Worst Essays Funny

She earned an MBA from the Rutgers School of Business in 2010.

When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

College essays can play a vital role in college admissions.

However, you must remember your goal with these essays -- to get accepted! Also leave your sexual activities out of the frame. Absolutely no pet stories -- admission officers hate them.10. A story within a college essay can be amusing, but don't try to make the entire essay funny.

Save the radical expression for after you get into college." 5. It's unwise to write about politics or religion, two of the most polarizing topics. Even if you have abandoned your reckless ways, don't bring it up.7. Schools do not want to hear about your church or school trip to another country or region to help the disadvantaged. This topic is too broad and too loaded, whether you want to write about God, your mom or best friend.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at p.m. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

My short-terms goals: find out how many Crunchwrap Supremes is Crunchwrap Supremes. I would like to attend this school because my parents are forcing me to write this essay. I’m not that great at writing, so in place of an admissions essay, please accept this Internet meme.

Dude sure knew how to wear a pair of buckskin breeches. My talents include complaining, criticizing other people’s fashion choices, and bloodletting. My long-term goals: graduate in four years, find a decent job in my field, and have a sizable amount in my 401k by the time I’m 40. The world is ending in 2017 thanks to a solar eclipse, or something of that nature.

A few have said that these analogies were actually taken from other sources and were not written by high school kids at all. These analogies are the winning entries in a 1999 Washington Post humor contest, and there are more than 25.

Please look at the comments sent August 3, 2008 by “Jiffer” to get to the complete list and the names of the authors. The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.